Often times it’s hard to restart, whether it’s re-enrolling in school again or picking your passion back up. It’s a weird moment when you’re forced to forgive what ever happened that caused the break-up and carry momentum into the future.
For me, I am relearning how to make music. I am relearning how to use my breath, attention to pitch & sound, dynamic control, and physical movements. My emotional mind is forced to relive the time when I left college and thought I would never become a musician again. It’s a huge milestone as a musician. Some people never end up picking music back up and that is terribly sad. All born musicians owe themselves the ability to communicate through music.
In terms of my ego: this rebirth has brought me back from badass Bassoonville to Newbie Falls.
Relearning your passion exercises your humility, because you’ve already learned your passion, but now you have to do it over again. The thing is nobody is forcing your to do over again- that is YOUR choice. So why is it so hard to start over new?
The ego, stands in the way, it shifts from student to professional to student. Perhaps you’re like me, who becomes mighty defensive when the ego thinks my skills are better than they are- yet can’t actually prove it. Resulting in frustration and pressure to perform.
If you remain defensive, you’ll dream longingly of the past and throw it away in frustration. That is the easy way out.
I’ve taken this opportunity to redefine structure. The structure of my practice is simple: I only play when I NEED, when my head is whirling in the composition of my daily life, when my heart is SCREAMING songs and I MUST play them. Then I don’t have a choice whether or not pick up my ukulele, bassoon or sit down at the keyboard. Then I am forced to spend quality time working on the fundamentals to make the bigger picture happen.
Structure has such a shitty reputation, much like buzz killington. It’s becomes a task, something to check off your list, something you should be doing. When you use structure as a tool, it can open up an entirely different world and you wont need that naggy check list. It gives you the freedom to reconstruct your foundation in whatever way you want to. I am not saying to ignore the fundamentals but integrate them into doing. Fundamentals & creation can work simultaneously to get you back up to speed.
Don’t give up if you’re in the process of relearning or picking your special craft back up!! You owe it to yourself, your soul to express what’s going on under your skin.
Just start slow and honor yourself- You can do it! Even if you don’t believe in your skills, I DO. I believe in your craft/art and in your skill. I believe your efforts have value and you will be rewarded.
In lue of starting this journey, I’ll take the vulnerability and share my process on this blog.